Comments on: Click quotient http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient No compunctions about eating dessert first Fri, 03 Feb 2012 22:33:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 By: Daniel http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient/comment-page-1#comment-1981 Daniel Mon, 30 Nov 2009 05:21:16 +0000 http://www.joanko.net/?p=1325#comment-1981 having moved through many different places and many different crowds I can say this... The type of crowd definitely makes a difference. I find things like level of education, common hobbies, and common interests to be almost irrelevant in the clicking equation. Sure, they can give you conversation, but I find it a very superficial conversation without any real rapport. Having a common world view or philosophy is often a much stronger predictor. I've clicked with a few people in the skating world, but compared to the number of people I know in the skating world, it is a very low percentage. The amnesty crowd is different though, I've clicked with many of them and have formed deep, long-lasting friendships. Clicking isn't always mutual. I've had a few awkward experiences which confirm this... As for time-to-click, it can be instantaneous. Sometimes it can happen before words are spoken. I've found that my deepest and most long-lasting friendships were formed with very quick clicks. As for slow-forming deep friendships, I think they only happen if the initial amount of interaction is low. having moved through many different places and many different crowds I can say this…

The type of crowd definitely makes a difference. I find things like level of education, common hobbies, and common interests to be almost irrelevant in the clicking equation. Sure, they can give you conversation, but I find it a very superficial conversation without any real rapport. Having a common world view or philosophy is often a much stronger predictor.

I’ve clicked with a few people in the skating world, but compared to the number of people I know in the skating world, it is a very low percentage. The amnesty crowd is different though, I’ve clicked with many of them and have formed deep, long-lasting friendships.

Clicking isn’t always mutual. I’ve had a few awkward experiences which confirm this…

As for time-to-click, it can be instantaneous. Sometimes it can happen before words are spoken. I’ve found that my deepest and most long-lasting friendships were formed with very quick clicks. As for slow-forming deep friendships, I think they only happen if the initial amount of interaction is low.

]]> By: J http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient/comment-page-1#comment-1946 J Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:37:39 +0000 http://www.joanko.net/?p=1325#comment-1946 Try not to get too distracted by his muppet monster voice, but here's a young Tom Waits playing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZmqbcBsTAw" rel="nofollow">a bit of a tear-jerker</a> on the Y Tube. Try not to get too distracted by his muppet monster voice, but here’s a young Tom Waits playing a bit of a tear-jerker on the Y Tube.

]]> By: joanium http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient/comment-page-1#comment-1939 joanium Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:51:39 +0000 http://www.joanko.net/?p=1325#comment-1939 Oh, I'm always putting things in boxes -- <a href="http://www.joanko.net/2009/08/in-the-veggie-box" rel="nofollow">food</a>, <a href="http://www.joanko.net/2005/04/self-fulfilling-prophecies" rel="nofollow">people</a>, <a href="http://www.joanko.net/2007/06/hufflepuff" rel="nofollow">people</a>, <a href="http://www.joanko.net/2007/05/political-compass-take-2" rel="nofollow">people</a>, <a href="http://www.joanko.net/2005/04/this-weekend-is-rated-g" rel="nofollow">people</a>, <a href="http://www.joanko.net/2005/12/greener-with-more-wheels" rel="nofollow">tools</a>... (oh wait, those are real boxes). J, I think you'll have a hard time displacing my first tier friends (hi vera!). There hasn't been any movement for eight years. I think suffering together is the fast track to long term friendship. Perhaps when one is suffering a broken heart, it's the ideal time to pick up some new friends. I had to look up who Tom Waits is. Ah, my friend Wiki P. You will never be displaced. Oh, I’m always putting things in boxes — food, people, people, people, people, tools… (oh wait, those are real boxes).

J, I think you’ll have a hard time displacing my first tier friends (hi vera!). There hasn’t been any movement for eight years.

I think suffering together is the fast track to long term friendship. Perhaps when one is suffering a broken heart, it’s the ideal time to pick up some new friends.

I had to look up who Tom Waits is. Ah, my friend Wiki P. You will never be displaced.

]]> By: J http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient/comment-page-1#comment-1938 J Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:55:32 +0000 http://www.joanko.net/?p=1325#comment-1938 Friend tiers - how very categorical of you :-) Golly, if we ever meet I hope we don't click too much, I'd hate to know I was displacing someone else. I can relate to both the friendship scenarios you describe, and I'm glad to have friends of both types. If I only knew people I'd immediately clicked with (i.e. people in whom I immediately recognised significant common ground), then I'd probably start to think I was right all the time (and I come perilously close as it is). Some years back I decided to open up to one of my housemates, a person I'd decided I had very little in common with. It was a small act of faith I suppose, but it was a very pleasant (and humbling) surprise to find that we 'met' in a meaningful way on the level of our common humanness, despite our disparate levels of interest in hair-styling products. (That's a wanky way of saying we both had romantic troubles but sharing was better than I thought.) Since then I've tried to worry less about the click factors I used to look for (e.g. obsession with Tom Waits*), and have trusted a little more in listening and deliberate openness to find common ground. Having said all that, I recently had the experience of clicking strongly and immediately with someone, for the first time in a long while, hence the original question. *Besides, a lot of dipsticks like Tom Waits too, dammit. Friend tiers – how very categorical of you :-) Golly, if we ever meet I hope we don’t click too much, I’d hate to know I was displacing someone else.
I can relate to both the friendship scenarios you describe, and I’m glad to have friends of both types. If I only knew people I’d immediately clicked with (i.e. people in whom I immediately recognised significant common ground), then I’d probably start to think I was right all the time (and I come perilously close as it is).
Some years back I decided to open up to one of my housemates, a person I’d decided I had very little in common with. It was a small act of faith I suppose, but it was a very pleasant (and humbling) surprise to find that we ‘met’ in a meaningful way on the level of our common humanness, despite our disparate levels of interest in hair-styling products. (That’s a wanky way of saying we both had romantic troubles but sharing was better than I thought.)
Since then I’ve tried to worry less about the click factors I used to look for (e.g. obsession with Tom Waits*), and have trusted a little more in listening and deliberate openness to find common ground.
Having said all that, I recently had the experience of clicking strongly and immediately with someone, for the first time in a long while, hence the original question.

*Besides, a lot of dipsticks like Tom Waits too, dammit.

]]> By: vera http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient/comment-page-1#comment-1937 vera Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:46:31 +0000 http://www.joanko.net/?p=1325#comment-1937 Aw, don't worry Joan, you *will* see me again soon. :P Aw, don’t worry Joan, you *will* see me again soon.

:P

]]> By: joanium http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient/comment-page-1#comment-1936 joanium Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:25:18 +0000 http://www.joanko.net/?p=1325#comment-1936 That's a good question. I don't have a good answer. Let me try answering it empirically. I have five <a href="http://www.joanko.net/2009/03/first-tier-friends" rel="nofollow">first tier friends</a> (and at the moment the two rotating seats on the council are empty). I would say that two of them were ones I clicked with straight away. The other three friendships are those nurtured over time. I'm now trying to think of people who I've clicked with but who did not become good friends. With one male, I exchange occasional emails, which are always welcome. One female, she rebuffed my attempts at deepening the friendship (I later found out her dark secret). Another male, I'm sure we would be very good friends if I was still in Melbourne. Another female, I haven't heard from for a while as she's travelling around the world. It seems my 'conversion quotient' isn't that high. To click is a sign of intellectual and emotional interest -- an ember if I want to poetic. And to build up the ember to a viable fire, it needs to be fanned with attention and kindness. So being in the same city helps. You've reminded me of some people I want to see again. *thoughtful look* That’s a good question. I don’t have a good answer.

Let me try answering it empirically. I have five first tier friends (and at the moment the two rotating seats on the council are empty). I would say that two of them were ones I clicked with straight away. The other three friendships are those nurtured over time.

I’m now trying to think of people who I’ve clicked with but who did not become good friends. With one male, I exchange occasional emails, which are always welcome.

One female, she rebuffed my attempts at deepening the friendship (I later found out her dark secret).

Another male, I’m sure we would be very good friends if I was still in Melbourne.

Another female, I haven’t heard from for a while as she’s travelling around the world.

It seems my ‘conversion quotient’ isn’t that high. To click is a sign of intellectual and emotional interest — an ember if I want to poetic. And to build up the ember to a viable fire, it needs to be fanned with attention and kindness.

So being in the same city helps.

You’ve reminded me of some people I want to see again. *thoughtful look*

]]> By: J http://www.joanko.net/2009/10/click-quotient/comment-page-1#comment-1934 J Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:29:41 +0000 http://www.joanko.net/?p=1325#comment-1934 Here's another question for your wondering list: to what extent does immediate clicking correlate with deep and lasting friendship? (In other words, when it happens, what store ought one to put on it?) Here’s another question for your wondering list: to what extent does immediate clicking correlate with deep and lasting friendship? (In other words, when it happens, what store ought one to put on it?)

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