I was lucky timing my transfer from London to Melbourne. I arrived in time for the annual staff cocktail party. The theme was Jungle Fever.

Colleagues in Melbourne seem much quicker to get on the dance floor than my London workmates. And it was a pretty spectacular dance floor, filled with lions, giraffes, gorillas, indigenous warriors, big game hunters and colonialists.

I was in the middle of a particularly fun jig when my left foot was stabbed with a stiletto. Ouch! I stared in horror at the perpetrator and she looked vaguely at me before floating off. I don’t think she realised what she did.

I did bleed a bit and my foot is still sore three days later.